Umm I'm too high to move.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
