the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
