I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
