I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize