So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
