mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
