Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
