Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
