too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
