I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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