Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Will exercising make me less horny?
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