why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
