I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He better not be in your backpack
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
