And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
