its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
