Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
