Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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