Well douche your snatch and let's go!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's blow job season.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize