I think I am morally bankrupt
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
