I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
