This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
