Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was born a porn star she said
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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