You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
