Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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