yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
