and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I made him laugh his dick is mine
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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