Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
3 2 1 whiskey
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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