just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
