Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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