we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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