i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
