I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
