He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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