Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
