I wish they made helmets for livers.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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