Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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