I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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