Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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