when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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