i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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