he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
