I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
