I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't make out with my wife yet
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
