I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
