just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
