Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
