from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
