The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
