You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
