There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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