Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Everything about him screamed your future.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize