If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
