we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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