...so i touched it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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