I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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