Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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