$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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