The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize