Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
