Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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