Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
