The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
