i think my mom watched the whole time
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize