fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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