Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
