well you can't waste a boner
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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