He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ketchup is God's man juice
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize